Sad to say, but the recent Thanksgiving holiday allowed me the longest stretch of time with the Fry since going back to work in mid-August. 4 days is just not enough. We were just getting into a groove and really enjoying our time together, and here I am, back at work.
Not at all happy to be here of course, but even worse is the “atmosphere” here, which necessitates that everyone PRETEND to be really happy to be here, every minute of every day, and also pretend to never be busy, to love work and to crave more of it, all the time. It’s awful.
I had such bad nightmares last night, I don’t know if it was anticipation of coming back to work, or what. I remember trying to prove to some people that I had a baby, and something about being abducted by aliens. And another typical “college” dream, where I was completely unprepared for a test or something, hadn’t even bought the book and was called on in class and then got in a heap of trouble because I didn’t have a clue as to what we were talking about. Like that ever mattered at Kent State. I kept waking up sweating and it was only 70 in the apartment.
The Fry is down to waking up about twice a night once we get him down for good. So while I’m not getting hours and hours of uninterrupted sleep yet, I do feel a little more human than I did a couple of weeks ago. Whenever we have a long weekend like we just had, we’re able to better concentrate on the Fry getting good naps, regular meals and a better schedule than he normally has, and he generally sleeps a lot better. I even got caught up on my soaps, which is unheard of anymore. This week, I’m hoping we can start back to our workout/gym schedule, since we have a little bit more energy.
I tried hard to increase my milk supply over the weekend using all the methods I know of. I no longer feel as dehydrated as I did in the past few weeks, although I discovered that the Gatorade I’ve been buying apparently has Splenda in it, which is NOT agreeing with me, especially in the amounts of gatorade I have been putting away. I am waiting for things in my GI tract to settle down now that I discovered the problem and have quit drinking it. Annoying.
It’s only 8:07 and I miss my little boy something awful. On the way in this morning, I was thinking about yesterday morning. He really wanted his 9am nap but after 30 minutes of working to get him down, it just was NOT working. He was frustrated and sleepy and really upset. DH was sleeping, so I was on my own. I decided to just pick him up and rock him in the rocking chair, and hold him while he slept. I ended up sitting there for an hour and a half. I just kept thinking how I would do anything for my little boy and if he needed a nap and I could help him this way, I was glad to spend the time with him on my chest and in my arms. It felt good. Except my butt fell asleep and then I just had to get up, it had been a long time. We had such a nice day yesterday, took him to a couple of stores and wore him in the wrap. This prevents people from coming over and bending over him and touching him in the stroller for one thing, and it’s nice and close and comfy for him. It frees up my hands and I don’t have to deal with the stroller, so it’s great. I will be so sad when he’s too heavy for me to carry in the wrap anymore. Though he’s certainly no lightweight now at 16 pounds, he’s still not as much weight as I was carrying around when I was PG, and that was lower down than the wrap sits, and much more uncomfortable (plus you couldn’t take it off!).
It’s been 3.5 months that I’ve been back to work and I feel like the Fry’s life is just slipping by while I slave away here. I sometimes feel desperate to figure out some kind of way that I could stay home with him, but there just isn’t a way, and it makes me feel awful.