It’s not depression, just a funk. Where few things seem to be going the way they’re supposed to, and a lot of things seem to be going wrong. Finances, fitness, sleep, personal stuff, too much to list. The kid continues to wake at 3am and I am so tired. Last night my sleep was fitful and light after he woke me up at 3, and I had a very upsetting dream that my Mom had died. The brain works in weird ways when not deeply asleep.
I try, in times like these, to find the daily beauty on earth and to see the luck I have that I may not be paying attention to. To wit: picked up the D at school yesterday. He was very red faced from running and running and running in gym (his favorite activity) and when we got home, some of the Canadian geese who live on the lake at our apt complex were walking across the ice, which was funny. I told him, and he wanted to see but couldn’t from his car seat, so we parked and then walked back on out to the lake. They had gone to the other side by then, but he wanted to play. I said ok but we have to go get boots on first, so we walked all the way home (it’s a huge complex; over 900 units), got boots on and came back out and played a little in the snow. There was an amazing, very pink and purple sunset as we were finally walking home. The sky has been so busy hosting snow-packed clouds of late that we never see the sun, so it was a lovely sight. We walked back by my car, which I was silently glad that I can make the car payments for as I have a steady job, while many do not, and into our warm and safe home with clean running water, TV to watch when we want, plenty of food in the cupboards and clean clothes on our backs, things many are lacking, and I felt a little bit better.