How can a life so good seem so bad sometimes?

I really, really would like to get another day job. For reasons I will not go into online, and they are many, it’s not really an option. Though I have tried, and continue to try. Spending my whole adult life working at jobs that are in no way personally fulfilling and which only do a mediocre job of paying my bills is, as I will teach my son, no way to go through life. I try very hard to let my life outside of work be my “real” life, because it’s so much better than my work life. But I spend a disproportionate amount of time in the work life, and as I get older and older it becomes less and less satisfactory to me to spend so much time doing something that makes me very unhappy. But for a lot of reasons, mostly financial and some because of where we live, getting another job is just not really possible.

I’ve had a very hard time at work lately. Been working on some projects that are my least favorite type to work on, during which time I am in constant stress, under intense scrutiny and the recipient of a lot of negative criticism. Fingers crossed, the last of the current slew of such projects finished up today and so now I just wait for the next one while I do all the other work that, while isn’t wonderful, isn’t as bad as this project type work.

Meanwhile, last night I had a GREAT night, after having to work late on Latest Nasty Project. I went to dinner at Johnny Mango, where I had a coupon for $7 off for my birthday month, and sat at the very crowded bar. During the course of my 1.5 hours there, I had fantastic food and drink and met several very nice people, two of whom I hopefully will be getting together with soon for Dyngus Day or going to see reggae music or to eat African food. This makes me very happy. One person even suggested I should try to come back regularly on Tuesdays because it’s dollar taco night and always a good crowd. The one girl I met, the African native (who is part Indian and part Portuguese) and I talked all about cleveland food, DC food, Brazil, ancestral homelands and various other topics, the likes of which you can get if you are lucky enough to be in the right bar at the right time in Cleveland, as we have such storied and interesting people here. Then I went to the Dark Room to watch a short piece I wrote come to life through wonderful actors, heard and welcomed by a wonderful audience of colleagues, friends and open-minded strangers, and I got to watch other new works and get my brain and spirit engaged.

I discovered I had left my trunk open when I put my food leftovers into it before going in to the theater space, and nobody even stole my car or broke in to get what else was in there, which is amazing since the theater’s ‘hood can be dicey.

I came home to find a small boy sleeping in his bed with his Spider Man boots on, and I kissed him and went to bed myself.

Life is good. So why is it so bad?



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