Exhausted

It’s only Wednesday and already I’m beat. Monday, I got notice at work that one of those Huge, Horrible Projects (HHP) was going to be coming in, and instead of the usual two-to-three weeks of hell, all of the hell would be compressed into approximately 24 hours. I was told several times by the Big Boss that this was Very, Very Important and had to receive My Best Effort. Monday there was not much to do but line up resources, prepare and wait. Everything was supposed to start coming in by 10am Tuesday, and had to be done by 3:30 so it could be sent for copying and be ready for a meeting someone was leaving for at 4:30. But of course it didn’t work that way. A few things came in Monday night, so I had to stay late. Around 6:30, I realized I had come in late and thus had to leave my keys with the parking lot attendant and that I thought 6:30 was about as late as they stayed. I imagined my car being stuck in the lot all night, waiting for someone to vandalize it, so I raced out and found the guy just getting ready to leave, got my car and went home.

I got to spend about 25 minutes with my kid. I snuggled with him while he watched TV, brushed his teeth and read him a bedtime story, then it was back to work on the home computer. I was finally able to shut down at around 10:15.

Yesterday was an absolute madhouse, alternating moments of me tearing my hair out waiting for a response, calling people and having them paged, panicking, racing around looking for people and working so furiously on pieces of the document as they came in that I think my fingers were on fire and my brain was leaking out of my ears. Too stressed and no time for lunch, I shoved in a banana and hard boiled egg I had managed to remember to grab. As the 3:30 deadline came and went, I called to ask when the last time was we could get copies done in time and was told 4pm. By 4:15 I was crying at my desk and battling formatting problems, multiple versions from different people and the inability to get answers to questions because people were not at their desks. I finally got it sent for copying at 4:22 with zero control over the version I sent since it had been edited by someone else who didn’t redline their changes and I had no time to proof it again. Then he wanted a PDF so I did that really quickly and added bookmarks and page jumps and sent that to him. By 5, when it was all over, I was just fried and frazzled.

I relaxed onto a bar stool at Spice and got a nice big glass of bourbon and some snacky foods and started to feel a little more human. Then I got to go play with my theater friends which always is great for my soul. As soon as I fell asleep my son came out of his room, he had managed to pee through his pullup and his PJs were all wet so I had to get him cleaned up and changed and back to bed so finally around 11pm I got to sleep. I was so tired my brain didn’t even have the wherewithal to obsess about my fear of death like I usually do before I go to sleep.

This morning I feel like a truck ran over me. I tried to put on a fetching outfit and do my makeup and hair a little nicer in hopes I would feel better by looking better, but that doesn’t seem to be working. More coffee.

coffee

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