How busy fucks you up.

I was underwater for the past 2.5 weeks working on another big project at work. When these projects come in, it’s just chaos, as I’ve mentioned before, and an enormous amount of time put in to my job, even when I’m not physically at my job. It’s basically a 24/7 thing until it is finished, and everything else goes on the back burner. Things that happened during that time:

  • I fell so behind on my online course work that I’ve now basically dropped the class. Catching up at this point seems impossible, I’ve already missed at least a couple of deadlines so work would be late and I would not get the full credit that I wanted. And the irony is not lost on me that my course is related to good leadership and best practices and intelligence behind great managers.
  • I had to cancel FOUR physical therapy sessions.
  • I had to completely quit doing my PT exercises at home, as well as any other exercise, as there was no time and no energy.
  • As a result of the above, the tiny, miniscule amount of progress I was making has not only stopped, but reversed, and my R knee is back to as bad as it was before I started this latest round of PT appointments. L knee is still doing ok, so I am back at it and trying to regain lost ground.
  • I gained 3 pounds, from a combination of stress eating and drinking too much because I hate my life when this shit goes on. There is just only so much fucking food I can bring into the office on a given day. When you have to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at work for several days in a row, you end up getting crap delivered, and that’s rarely a healthy choice, and is often snarfed down in about 5 minutes.
  • Related to the above, I had to pound a lot of coffee and not be as attentive to the method I’m trying in my path to finally quit Prilosec for good, and the two months of happy digestion I’ve managed to achieve without the pills is in the garbage and I’ve had horrible indigestion for three days now. The road back to feeling good is a slow one. I’m working on it.
  • I had to cancel almost every single social appointment I had with friends and family.
  • There were several nights I never saw my son at all, as he was asleep by the time I got home. There were many other nights my husband had to work to distract my kid and keep him away from me so I could do work while I was physically at home. Not seeing my kid makes me angry.
  • Stress interfered a lot with my sleep. Work nightmares about missed deadlines, waking up several times in the night to check the Blackberry and answer emails from the lead person on the project, etc.

I could go on, but I assume you get the drift.

When I came out the other side, I got an assload of praise from several key people in my organization, as has happened each time I’ve finished one of these monsters over the past six months, since these projects became the focal point of my job instead of shared with two other people. Oh, and they also eliminated a department and now me and the other two folks are doing the work of the four people eliminated in another department. I formally asked for a raise the day after the project was complete. No amount of money would make this ok with me, but at least it would offset the anger a little. I was basically told nobody has ever asked for one before (really? Lean In is real, apparently – historically almost everyone in my department has been female – 90-100% females in the 9 years I’ve been here, so that’s interesting), there’s no money in the budget and so I probably won’t get anything, but they’ll run it up through the chain of command. But don’t get your hopes up.

I’m broke and I need a vacation.


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