Forging ahead in the muck

It has been a very weird and difficult week, and it’s only Thursday.

Life is challenging me this week. I am mostly losing the battle, but am keeping my head above water since I am bobbing up and down so much. When I get very stressed emotionally, I tend to get more self-destructive and crazy. This week has been no exception. Luckily, that streak has been within the confines and care of some very good friends, both in person and online. I say often that I love my friends, and I have the best group of friends, and it is the truth. I find some bonds grow deeper as I deal with strife, and that, perhaps, is what buoys me.

I don’t know why life seems to throw several balls at you at once. Perhaps just to see how many you can field and how funny you look doing it, or to bean you, and then watch what you do after you’re knocked out. I’m dancing as fast as I can. I actually will be dancing this Saturday, which I have not done since I really fucked up my knees two years ago. I am almost done with my physical therapy, which has been a grueling three months, and I’m not sure they won’t just order more sessions since I am “somewhat” better, but it’s to a fairly small degree – maybe 30%. I could just keep up with what I’m doing as my “homework” exercises and hope for the best, but I do better with the structure of the sessions and someone regularly admonishing me and challenging me further. Anyway, a three-hour dance workshop is just what I need Saturday. Luckily I have managed to hold on to my flexibility as I haven’t given up yoga or stretching over this hiatus; I’m pretty flexible for 44, I think. I suddenly also have another opportunity to move on Sunday, if my schedule works out, which would make my soul feel a lot more settled and happy.

I am a creative spirit. I’m not the best dancer, I’m not the best singer, and I’m not the best actor that’s ever lived, but doing those things makes me very happy and I’m apparently good enough to somehow get asked to do those things again and again, which makes me more happy.

In related news, there is a fun acting gig on the near-term horizon as well, which makes me very motivated to do a great job. August is going to be my busiest month all year, so carving out time to ensure excellence for a September performance will require alternating spells of hermit-like behavior to do my work, as well as calling on others for help running lines. It’s work I look forward to with great anticipation. I can’t say the same for my friends, but they’ll do it, because they are the awesome.

I’ve been slacking on cooking this week, though I did put together some great rice from about 10 different leftover bits of things. I’m getting better at just throwing things together and having them work, though the casserole with bechamel was very, very unexciting. I feel like our quantity of stuff has gown down a lot with the CSA this year. I think this is probably due to the shitty crop yields because of the crap ass summer we’ve had, weather-wise, but also because I’ve gotten better at addressing the bag as soon as I get it so that things are quickly used or put up to minimize waste. I found myself pinning Thanksgiving ideas already because of all the rain and cold.

My friends who read this blog, thank you for always being there to apply salve to my tortured heart and soul, for understanding that I am crazy and loving me anyway.




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