I know I should have titled today’s post after a Lou Reed song, after his unexpected demise yesterday, but he and Bowie were friends, and Bowie’s title more aptly informs today’s post, so there it is.
Things are changing, as happens in the Fall. It’s a season of change, and perhaps this Fall will bring change like no other for me. Many of the things I thought would be changing are not changing; my job, for instance. Sometimes things don’t work out the way you think, which I’m discovering as I get older is not always a bad thing. While not ideal in many ways, I have a job; many do not. And as I took my kid from floor to floor on Friday trick-or-treating, I was thankful for this job. For my office door, which I can shut whenever the constant speaker phone from across the hall gets to be too much for me to concentrate. For the fact that, unlike earlier in my job life (“career” is not really the right word, however thankful I am to be working), I do not have to ask anyone for permission to go to the bathroom, or answer anyone’s phone, or make plans for them to travel to faraway, exotic places, researching the best hotels and restaurants for them to stay in, that I will never see. And I write, edit and proof all day, which, considering all the many, many jobs I have had, is a great thing. I don’t have to go in “the back” and try to find that one particular cake server for the person late for a bridal shower. I don’t have to take back someone’s oil and garlic pasta because it’s “too garlicky” or waiting on a group of teens who came in on all-you-can-eat rib night, running me ragged for an hour and a half refilling ribs and iced tea, and not even leaving enough money for the check, which I then have to make up out of my pocket, let alone a tip. I don’t have someone screaming at me to “Get that douchebag cocksucker on the phone RIGHT NOW!” after delivering a phone message from an irate customer. Or any number of other, similar anecdotes.
I seem to be finally losing weight, which is not through any small effort. But I’ve been putting forth the effort for a long time, and only recently has it started working. It’s just a LITTLE weight, but on my relatively short frame, a little goes a long way. I am hopeful for future progress. This could be the first winter I’ve actually LOST weight throughout instead of gained. Vigilance, careful monitoring of portions, more yoga – much, much more yoga and occasional splurges seem to be the key combo for me. I do think the running I was able to do the past couple of months jump started things, and I’m not able to continue that right now because of the plantar fasciitis that will NOT go away, but I’m persevering in my other efforts and hoping for slow, long-term progress, and hopefully a return to running in a few more months. I’m almost completely done with physical therapy. And while I still have some pretty bad problems in both knees, there HAS been improvement, and I know the impetus is on me to continue the necessary work to repair this body as best I can, and to make the best of what I can with what’s left after that.
My circle of friends is shifting and changing as well, which feels good. Drawing the circle tighter and closer. Instead of a tree full of leaves, a select book of the best leaves, pressed and preserved. Elimination of detrius. Increased focus on who and what matters.
My son is learning to read. It is a miracle unfolding before my eyes. I dream of future trips to the library where he will get his OWN book to read ON HIS OWN. It’s so close I can taste it, and I’m so excited for him, I can hardly stand it. It’s like he’s unlocking the key to EVERYTHING, and I feel like he knows it, as excited as he is about it. Watching him figure out that H-A-T spells HAT was as breathtaking as watching him take his first steps. What a journey this is, the parenthood thing.
My writing progress temporarily stalled, I am pushing the boulder up hill anyway in preparation for National Novel Writing Month, which begins Friday and will be a downhill, no-brakes, 30-day rush. I wonder if I will end up going through the finish line at the end, or crash and burn somewhere on the way down the hill. And what will my vehicle look like, when the journey, however long it is, is complete?
Other change is afoot. The sort which makes me very, very happy, in part because the path forward is starting to reveal itself, and I am excited to see where it leads.
What changes is Fall bringing your way? Are you looking for them? Seeking them out? Making them happen, even? Push hard to move the rest of 2013 forward, as 2014 is tapping us on the shoulder, and soon will demand entrance. How will you embrace it? What will have changed in you and around you?