Today is apparently International Whiskey Day. Not to be confused with World Whiskey Day, which is some time in May. Or, if you live in the continuously gray, windy, wet, freezing cold Midwest, you might just call this “Thursday.” I plan to celebrate this one after work today, oh yes, when, if the Gods be kind, this giant fucking project at work will be done, and I can start on the next giant fucking project, and all the other little asshole projects that have been tugging at my sleeve, whining that I’m ignoring them.
My mind would not shut off again last night. All the way home from rehearsal (truly, there is no quick, easy way to get from Cleveland Heights to areas near the airport), I kept thinking of these phrases that I would really like to use in a piece I’m writing. I’m writing it in my head, as I am currently also working on two other writing pieces. This one, this third one, the one in my head, is kind of interesting and I wonder if it’s ever going to get written, since the other two are actually being worked on right now, and the other one is just an idea. It feels sort of like having a bunch of small children in your car, but not knowing exactly what they’re doing at any given time, because you have to focus on driving and can’t tend to them as closely as you’d like.
The long march through March is almost over. Incredible depression has hit, and I’m trying to ride the wave through it until I get to the other side. Something’s gotta give. Almost none of my life is the way I want it to be, and the daily frustration with every aspect of my life being out of the desired order is really wearing on me. Everything feels out of my control: my mother’s arthritis, the mounting medical bills as I haven’t satisfied my deductible yet, endless calls and complaints about things I buy that don’t work the way they’re supposed to, things I have to return that I haven’t had time to return, clothes that need mending, and when are you going to wash the damned car, because you can’t see out the windows anymore? But no, it’s still too cold, and the last time you washed the car when it was 24 out, the door covering the gas cap froze shut.
I am impatient and also filled with lack of motivation to complete anything I’m in the middle of.
Is it 5 o’clock yet?