Surrealistic pillow

Been having a lot of weird dreams lately, probably due to the turmoil in my life surrounding getting a new job. People crop up in my dreams who I haven’t talked to or interacted with in years – for a reason – so it’s not been entirely pleasant going to sleep. And possibly the constant rain (app) I have to listen to in order to get to sleep is jumbling my brain as well. Like scrambled eggs in there, and I wake up and think I’m in the middle of something I don’t want to be in the middle of, and kind of panic and then think, “Wow, it must be pouring outside,” and then realize everything that’s actually, really going on. I calm myself down, get up and have a pee and come back and resettle. I’ve also been rehashing old war stories with various co-workers since I announced my departure and the goodbye lunches have begun; the good times and the bad, and the nightmarish, freakish and funny. And there are a lot of stories people don’t even know about, like the time my co-worker decided to try to take the stairs all the way down from floor 36 to the ground floor, and came out in some kind of enclosed, locked alcove and couldn’t get back in or outside, and called me to come help her, making me swear never to tell anyone (she’s gone from here, so no harm/no foul). And all of the people who were at that retirement dinner for an executive I worked for briefly, are now gone or dead, so nobody remembers how very, very drunk I mistakenly got, nervous about planning my first important dinner for the firm, having skipped eating all day and accepting all the wine that was offered to me, first at the reception at the office, and then at the dinner before the food started arriving, resulting in me singing a really loud rock ballad at the table (on request!) and almost getting fired right after I started here. It was Pink’s “Misery,” if you want to know. Or when a partner flew his own helicopter to the meeting out in Scottsdale, landed and walked over to the group and said to me, “Get me a drink, will you, sweetie?” So many other stories they don’t know about, and all of that rolling around in my head with other colliding memories, making for a very weird, Alice in Wonderland-style trip every night. It’s a bit unsettling and I wake up tired and confused, sometimes mad at an old high school boyfriend like we were still in the middle of a fight, or scared that I missed an important project date. I guess this is sort of like having weird show dreams before opening night. As I take my curtain call here next week, I just hope it’s as smooth a transition as possible, saying goodbye here and hello to my new people, my new place, my new work.

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