Holy work anxiety dreams, Batman!

I knew it was coming, and last night’s was a doozy. So, I had a new job, just as I’m going to have beginning next Tuesday. But in my dream, the job was in San Francisco. Right on the wharf, but instead of the fishing industry going on outside the windows, it was more the gritty, industrial view one has of Cleveland, with shipping barges and huge mountains of salt and cranes and such. The windows in the office at my new job had something wrong with them, like when there’s a ripple in the glass and things look weird, except it was a pattern that went all the way across the windows, so as you walked, it had a sort of unsettling effect, like being on a mild psychedelic.

And of course it was the sort of thing where I don’t know what I’m doing, and everything they ask me seems impossible to figure out. Which may be how things go at first, but I hope not. And then there was a part where this woman showed up who was my old boss (I have three bosses at my current job, and all are women, but this woman didn’t look like any of them) and was going to give my new boss a report card grading me on how I deal with various aspects of the job. And I had and A and a B and then kept looking and there was a G, and I couldn’t figure out what that meant, and a P and some other letters, this long list of descriptions about my flaws and problems and they couldn’t even use all the normal letters to grade me because I am so fucked up. And I was nervous about that.

Then Chevy Chase was there for some reason, and we were old friends and we were cracking jokes to my new co-workers to impress them. He’s so tall, you know? But in my dream, for some reason, he leaned way down and put his head on my shoulder, and I was patting him on the head and comforting him. It was super weird but also not weird, in the way of dreams.

I remember feeling bewildered not only because of the new job and new duties, but also San Francisco, where I have been three times but it was years and years ago, and I am not exactly familiar with it. It was exhausting and overwhelming and though I didn’t have the feeling of, “oh man, what did I do,” I just felt like it was one of the biggest upheavals I had ever dealt with. Which this job transition probably is.

It’s churning up a lot of other stuff, too. Change works that way. It shakes off the cobwebs, but also brings stuff up you’ve been burying or hiding. It’s been a tiring, emotional week and I’m ready to leave here tomorrow. I won’t be throwing my hat in the air or pissing in the elevator on my way out, I just want to quietly take my bags and go.


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