Turn and face the strange

If there’s anything I’ve learned from the tumultuos year 2014, it’s that you have to grab life by the balls and squeeze out as much of the life you want as you can, because it may not be here tomorrow. You may not, or those close to you, or those things in your life that make it seem normal. How do you process a year where Robin Williams killed himself and more than 130 children were killed in a school? Where you had to put your mother in a mental institution, where you moved on from the job you’ve had for the last 11 years? Where you become part of groups you never thought you’d be in – becoming both a single mom and a member of the PTA almost in one fell swoop?

I can’t remember a year with this MUCH, for a very long time. Joy, heartbreak, fear, gratitude, passion, the list is endless. And exhausting. Maybe 1990, that’s the last time I can remember a year this crazy. The year I got sick. The year my Dad died. The year his family sold all of his and my belongings to the first comer out from under me, including the house I grew up with, only two weeks after he died, completely without my knowledge. There wasn’t a lot of upside to that year. I don’t know if it’s because there really wasn’t any, or I just don’t remember it, or if I’ve just gotten better over the years at seeing the balance, of being acutely aware what I *do* have and how lucky I am to have it.

And at this point, I don’t really know what the future holds. With so much turmoil and change, it’s hard to make plans. I’m a planner, and life without a plan is tough to adjust to. I’m just trying to take it as it comes and roll with the changes as they happen, be open to any and every new opportunity, and fly in the face of what is proper or reasonable as often as I can if it means I am LIVING my life, and feeling the living of it. This is the right way, for me, for now.

Look out, you rock and rollers.

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