ALL THE INAPPROPRIATE SHOWS

Tonight my son wanted to talk about what would happen if he fell and broke apart and was bleeding to death, so then we learned terms like “tourniquet” and “orthopedic surgeon” and “compound fracture” and “paramedic,” and talked about how many screws and other metal I have in my body (2 screws, dozens of teeny tiny staples). He wanted to know exactly how they would fix a broken arm so I told him how that would go. Yesterday, when we were interviewed by the local news for a piece on what people are doing about all the goddamned school closings because of record cold temps, he learned terms like “B-roll” and “news package” “interview.” I sure have a weird base of knowledge for this kid, but he’s getting what I’ve got, whatever it is.

He loves the daycare center. I love it too, but my wallet does not. I am expecting the tiniest of bumps from Uncle Sam when my meager refund processes and that should just about cover the cost of the center this month. March better be more normal or I’m going to have to hock the family jewels. HAHAHAHAHA family jewels. I have some orange beads my grandma got from the goodwill and my Mom gave me some pins I never seem to wear when she used to sell Avon, but that’s about it for jewels.

When I arrived at the daycare center, he was sprinting back and forth in the main room and several smaller children were following him. I sat and watched from the car. Like the wind, this kid. He told me he beat an 8 year old earlier in the day. Must get this child in to track. On the way home from the daycare center, he told me that if you eat all the purple Nerds, you fall asleep, and that he was going to give them all to me when he was 10 and a half. “Ok, and then what will you do?” I asked him. “Whatever I want!” he said. “I said ok sure, but what exactly would that entail.” He thought for a minute and said in a singsongy voice, “I would watch TV,” he said. “ALL THE INAPPROPRIATE SHOWS!” I stifled a laugh and asked what he meant by that and all he could come up with was Spongebob Squarepants. Which is not inappropriate, but stupid, and that’s why we don’t watch it. After we drove on a bit, he decided that we might both forget if we waited until he was ten and a half, so instead, the plan will be enacted a year from now, when he is six and a half. Right, got it.

He is all hot to go back to the center again. I have some errands to run tomorrow and since D has been loving the daycare center so much, he asked to go back there tomorrow. This will make all my errands a lot easier, so off he will go. It’s a great place and I’m glad I found it, even if I have to sell my soul to pay for him going there. His sitter is great but she’s young and has a busy life and is almost never around when I need her.

Time for some bourbon and relaxing. The long, cold week is over.

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