I had a very bizarre dream last night. I don’t often remember my dreams, and this was the kind where I kept waking up, turning over and going back to sleep and then it continued. I was taking some type of new yoga class from an old yogi of mine – Steve Ross – and everyone was naked as that was the new trend. There was a lot of sexual undertone to the class and the teacher was flirting with me and asked me to go out with him after the class. Then this woman, who IRL is the Mom of one of my son’s classmates, got out this suitcase and started pulling things out of it and wanting to talk about each thing. She was really distressed and demanded everyone pay attention to her. I kept exchanging looks with the yoga instructor and nobody knew if she was going to go completely batshit or what. It was really weird.
I woke up feeling strange because of the weird dream, and started puttering around as I normally do in the morning, getting the coffee going and figuring out what I’m going to wear. Today I wanted to look great as my BFF arrives this afternoon and I am going right from work to picking her up so we can begin our weekend of debauchery. And she ALWAYS looks great, being younger, thinner, more beautiful and – due to her southern Florida lifestyle – always tanner than me, so I tried to pick out some shit that highlights my assets while downplaying my middle-aged body pitfalls. This is easier to do now that I’ve lost more than 20 pounds, and will get easier once I lose another 10 or 15.
I plugged in the iron, turned on the radio and was smacked in the head with a brick by a song that brought me instantly to tears. That hasn’t happened to me in a while, and reminds me that this period in my life is one of major change and upheaval, and just when I feel like I’m on top of things, life reminds me that maybe I’m not, and that I have to go through the pain in order to get through the other side. As I always say to my friend, the only way forward is through; you can’t go around. Message received. I know I can’t hover completely above the coals, and that no matter how fast I cross them, there will be some damage.
Broken and sad is not the way I wanted to start out the day so I organized and cleaned a few things to try to make my place nicer for my visiting friend, and to make me feel more in control of my life and not like a terrible person who is ruining her son’s life. I can’t say it totally worked. I was late to work because of it, but that’s ok because there was a beautiful lavender sunrise on my drive.
I got out for a much-needed albeit short run last night. I had to cancel a dentist appointment to make time for it, and I don’t regret that at all. Who wouldn’t rather go out and run around in the sunshine than lay in the dentist’s chair? The dentist can wait. The sun, and our all-too-brief exposure to it here in Northeast Ohio, cannot.