Where’s that confounded bridge?

Getting shit done, getting my mojo back. Trying to be more present.

First temp day over 60 today that I can recall for a long time. Went out for a run at lunch even though it was about the last thing I wanted to do, and got 3.6 in, dodging aimless workers, construction dudes lunching, and the public square detours. Last run for a while as I’ve no time to do it again until Sunday and then it will be too cold for my lungs again. It felt damned good.

The kid has an enormous packet of homework this week. I tried hard to get him to focus on it tonight but we barely got through two pages of the math, and he couldn’t really focus as he was too tired. Poor little guy. They work them so hard. I try hard not to rail against how unfair and ridiculous it is to him, as this is what my parents did about basically all of my schoolwork, which did not motivate me to do any of it, and made me a cynical, sarcastic student.

Got a script today for a table read of a short play that a friend asked me to do. It’s really fucking flattering to be directly asked to do something like this, so I switched my sitter from Friday night to Wednesday so I could accommodate the reading.

Saturday am trying to get together with a friend and her daughter, we may go to my college town (Kent) and drag the kids around for awhile. Sunday the freezing cold returns, but I know it will not, cannot stay for long. A bird was chirping very loudly at us as we left for school today, insistent that spring is, in fact, here, even though it isn’t quite, yet.

Work is grumbling about all the time I’ve taken off this year. Between sickness and school closings, it wasn’t what I planned either, and now it’s not even April and I’ve burned through all my personal time for the year. I’m probably going to have to fork over more cash to send him to daycare some of the days of spring break coming up and delay or postpone our trip to Zingerman’s. Bother.

Got some paperwork done for my mom, got my personal paperwork in order for signing, this time for real, I hope, and am feeling a bit more together and organized. I need to carve out some real time for writing, as scripts and book editing are pressing on me, like an app begging for updating in the background, a red exclamation point every time I pause for more than a few moments. May have to start turning down invitations to do shit on the nights I don’t have D. I wish, perhaps more than any other time other than when my son was a newborn, that I could just stay home and write all day, and cook a few things in between.

Only seeing my son every other week is really, really hard. There are days when he shows up and I feel like he’s someone else’s boy, like I don’t even know him. He’s not just bigger, he talks differently. The precious and sweet way he had about him is pretty much gone, though he did come and give me a gentle hug tonight for no clear reason, and we got a cuddly nap yesterday, which is a great way we can still reconnect. The hug was probably because I let him have cookies for dessert. He talks in these fast and complex sentences now, and sometimes shows up in clothes I don’t recognize. It’s hard to transition from feeling like I am borrowing him from a stranger to him being my sweet, special boy again, and I fucking hate it. I suppose you aren’t supposed to talk about stuff like that.

I’m going to LA in a month. I’m excited, nervous, and so many other things. I haven’t been there in, gosh, more years than I can think about. I think I went there for a legal marketing conference probably way back in about 2006, but I didn’t get to go many places. I remember going to the beach even though it was too cold for all the locals. I fed the seagulls and stared at the ocean and avoided going places that haunted me when I used to live there. I didn’t get much done that trip. As conferences go, I spent most of the time in the hotel or going to conference events. I went there more years before that, probably around 1999, and rediscovered some things I really liked to do there, and found a beautiful restaurant in a hippie hillside, all purple and magic and twinkly lights and cats that visited your table. I know I also went out for a job interview, very, very briefly, probably around 2007 or 2008. All I remember about that trip was everywhere I tried to go took me more than an hour, and I couldn’t imagine how I ever dealt with it. I have a real love/hate relationship with LA. I wonder how it will treat me this visit. 

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