Who Cares Baby? ‘Cause We May Not Be Here Tomorrow

August is my favorite month. Always has been. The heady, heavy days of late summer are upon us. The days grow shorter and the light lingers less each evening. I’m living hard and trying to wring every bit out of each day as best I can. I’m working harder to live in the moment and not dwell on the past or count on the future, since no future is guaranteed and most of what I’ve planned in life has worked out other than what I originally envisioned. Not all bad. Not all good. Much like life.

I continue to look for the balance. I find more quality moments in doing so. I worry less about my jeans being tight one day and loose the next, or what my skin looks like, and work more on enjoying myself with people I love, doing things that make me feel centered, happy, alive. Sometimes I blow off the chores to go to the pool and sit in the sun for a couple of hours. Sometimes I call, email or write letters to people to let them know I’m thinking of them. Sometimes I spend the morning in bed with a gorgeous man who makes me feel like the hottest woman in the world, instead of bounding out and running all the errands. I want to enjoy. I want to be happy. I seek it, and am finding it. A good balance to the challenges life throws my way.

I still have goals. I have hopes and dreams and projects, things I want to do, and I continue to work towards those goals. But I’m less about beating myself up these days for not Achieving Something Big and more about enjoying what I have. I’m no textbook success story, but as I drove through my hometown this past weekend on a day trip, I realized I’ve come pretty far and done fairly well considering my less-than-humble beginnings.

It’s hot everywhere all the time during these dog days of summer, which makes me feel like the earth is hugging me. I know it makes other people feel like they’re choking, but I love it. I’ve been sleeping like shit for a couple of weeks, but who cares, because it’s so damned lovely out. I know any minute now, the air will turn crisp, the wind will blow cold and Fall will be here. And that’s ok. Crock pot meals and hikes in crunchy leaves await. I’m trying to take all the opportunities I can, accept invitations, make time for people as much as possible because people and experiences are really what matter. Those things make me feel alive, and I like feeling that way. I can’t be everywhere, but I am doing more now than I’ve done in years, and it feels great.

This will be a challenging week. It started out rough, with a difficult PT session as I attempt to rehabilitate my hamstring so I can return to running. I have a lot of work to do there and each time I go, he gives me additional exercises to add on to the routine. But I am seeing the tiniest bit of improvement, which is hopeful. Tomorrow night is a theater night, and I have been asked to read at the monthly theater thing I do, which is very flattering. A guy I don’t know has seen me read at this monthly gig, and googled me so he could find my contact info and send me a script. I need to get a website built or something so that I’m easier to find. Just one more thing to do. Maybe when it turns cold.

I get the boy Wednesday night. Camp is over and school doesn’t start until next Tuesday, so we have several days together. I can’t swing any big trips or anything but I will find some fun stuff for us to do. I’m going to be “that mom” and have to bring him to my PT appointment Thursday morning, but everyone will deal and the world will continue to spin. I’m not the first mom with a hyper kid at a doctor appointment, and my therapist is a cool guy and said it would be fine as long as he stays off the equipment. I requested some movies from the library and hope we can have movie night a couple of evenings, making popcorn and such. I wish I could take him somewhere cool for a few days, but we’ll just have to make things cool where we are. Maybe I’ll cash in my remaining Marriott points and we’ll go stay in a hotel downtown or something. Could be fun. He loves staying in hotels, as kids do. We’ll hit the rec center pool again, I’m sure. Time is running out for the pool.

I have a lot of love in my life. And the road stretches before me. I want to have more people over, take D on more playdates, work on my writing projects that have been sitting dormant most of the summer. The lack of sleep is giving me a strange energy and strength I didn’t know I had. If you see me, you’ll feel electricity.

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