It’s official. The gun terrorists have won.

The ability of yet another mentally deranged person to easily obtain and use a gun to kill people today is finally the tipping point for me.

I’m terrified.

Good job, gun nuts, you’ve now managed to make America look like a bunch of morons shooting each other as fast as possible for any and every implied or perceived infraction, real or imagined, but in the process, huge swaths of us are now afraid a good bit of the day. Increasing bits of the day, in fact. I’m now afraid on my drive to work, because there are shootings every WEEK through my commute path. Restaurants I go to, people are being held up going to their cars at night after visiting those establishments.

I’m afraid when I travel and go to a hotel, that my son might be shot to death through the wall by some fuckface cleaning his gun, as happened to a young soccer player last year. Gone in a fucking instant. I’m afraid to go to the movies, like I should be looking at everyone as I go in, wondering if they stashed pop and candy in their bag, or an S&W .9mm.

After 9/11, people were afraid boarding planes. They looked suspiciously at other passengers. They still do, I suppose. And that was after one really, really bad day. Here in America, every day is a terrorist attack by someone with a gun. A disgruntled ex-employee. A disgruntled former boyfriend or husband. Someone upset by racial issues. Whatever. Insert ill-reasoned reason here.

I take my son to the mall, and look at people we pass wondering who is the good guy with a gun, and who is the bad guy. In nearby cities to where we live, people parade around openly wearing their guns, as if to show they are the “good guys.” If the guy with the gun comes into Target when we’re shopping there, I’m supposed to just be able to tell whether he’s a good guy or a bad guy, I guess. Everyone has a gun, everywhere. I have to ask before going on playdates now if they keep guns in the home. Maybe I should hand out a questionnaire about which weapons they have, how they secure them, what training they have, and make them send it back to me prior to accepting the invitation to play.

Guess what? I’m not some pussy about guns. (and if you don’t like the word pussy, you can fuck off, it’s my blog and I’ll use it how I want) I’m a lefty, crunchy, liberal hippie, sure. But I have PLENTY of firearms experience. I grew up being taught to shoot BB guns at camp, because that’s the kind of town I grew up in. People still got the first day of hunting season off in schools in my town. As an adult, I went through citizens police academy training in two different cities. In the second, I was plucked out of the group for my skill and offered a chance to shoot alongside some of the PD when they went to the range for practice. I became friends with one of the officers and for many years, we went to the range and shot everything from Remington .12 gauge shotguns to small Walther handguns, to everything in between. I learned the rules, and the respect. Eyes and ears. Every gun is loaded. Never point the gun even for a second at anything you don’t intend to shoot. And yes, used casings burn you when they pop out and hit your bare skin. I owned a Glock 17 when I lived in Los Angeles, as I was living with an LAPD officer. It wasn’t an option not to carry a gun there, he told me.

I know plenty about guns. And if I never had to handle or shoot one again, that would be really, really fine with me.

But what to do? People reporting the motherfucking morning news package are now gunned down by some nut job with a gun. A guy who said the Virginia Tech shooter was “his boy,” who admired the Columbine killers. One of the victims was a cameraman. My boyfriend is a cameraman. Not for the news, but nonetheless, this really hit close to home. I wonder how the pro-gun people expect the reasonable people of the world are supposed to live, in a heavily armed society? How does one hoist and hold a 40-pound camera on your shoulder and shoot video while also having a gun and looking around all the time at 6:45 in the fucking morning at a closed place of business for some surprise nutbag who can appear without warning and gun you and your co-worker down in mere seconds? Perhaps we should custom design news microphones now to also shoot bullets, so while she was interviewing her subject, the other victim could have turned and returned fire upon the gun-toting nutcase who cut her down before she had time to do anything but scream and try to run away?

WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SOCIETY IS THIS?

I walk around wondering when my number is up. When my son’s number, at his little tiny school, will be up, for the next shitbag who shows up and wants to mow down kids in school, after which the country will do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about controlling access to guns.

People are always talking about left-leaning politicians and trying to justify them to people who lean right, saying, “they aren’t trying to take your guns away.”

WHY THE EVER-LOVING FUCK NOT? WHERE IS THE SANE PERSON STANDING UP AND SAYING, YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT, AND YES, I’M GOING TO TAKE ALL THE GUNS AWAY, AND I’M GOING TO CREATE A NATIONWIDE FORCE OF PEOPLE WHO WILL COME TAKE YOUR FUCKING GUNS AWAY BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL TOO CRAZY, STUPID AND CARELESS TO HAVE THEM, AND THE MADNESS NEEDS TO STOP.

Can’t they all just go away and find an island where they can clean their guns, talk about gun culture and sit clutching their rifles waiting for someone to walk by like a coked-out addict waiting for the cops to arrive from inside a closet. I’d much rather go back to the 70s where we had to occasionally fear a ROBBER in a neighborhood that might have a gun, as opposed to everyone that you walk by, work with, interact with. Don’t say the wrong thing in a meeting, someone might shoot you.

I don’t want to live here anymore. I wish I could take my son and run away, but I can’t. Instead, I’m just waiting. At this point, anyone who dies of old age should have inscribed on their headstone, “Good job. Another one that made it through.”

America is broken.

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