Burn

Sometimes, being so busy that you have no time to sit and think is a good thing. Especially in the fall, when we turn inward, become more introspective as the light changes and dwindles. I’m grateful to see the sun rise in the morning as I drive to work. Soon the commute will be entirely in the dark.

I know from my past that it’s time to flip on the special light that sits at my desk so that I get some light here during the day. I also know it’s time for me to work harder to get outside, no matter what the weather is doing. Last fall and winter, every weather challenge that faced me, I batted down like a cat who is sick of you playing with it. Rain? So what. I can run in the rain. Cold? Ok, so now these thermal layers, I can run in those, too. Freezing cold face? Balaclava. The more I got out and ran, even in precarious ice and snow conditions, the better I felt about things, and I know that’s because of the light. My asthma and poor circulation system guarantees my face will be red for hours and hours after running, sometimes all day, like I am on fire inside. This is a feeling I like. I always had the reddest face in dance classes in college and people would ask me if I was ok. I’m ok, I just have a shitty circulatory system, thanks, Dad. And the lung thing, yeah, on my list to find someone to see about that. Basic inhaler use prior to running may not be cutting it all that well. I got bronchitis more than once last fall. Must do better this year.

As we head deeper into the fall, I’m not sure how much running I’ll be able to do. I’m doing better, after three months of physical therapy, but my hamstring issue continues to be a real pain, ha ha. I’m scheduled to have an ultrasound injection into it in a couple of weeks. I’m nervous about this, yes. But it might also be just in time to allow me to run throughout the winter as I did last year, so I agreed to get it done.

I saw a play last night that makes you laugh and makes you think. A different actor performs the play each night during the run. This was my second time seeing the show. I wish I could see every performance. I like to laugh, and I like to be made to think.

After the show, a disparate group of theater people went to the bar next door and we shared stories and memories and introductions were made to those who didn’t know each other. We laughed and thought about things, and talked a lot. This is as good for my soul as going for a run, though running is probably better for my liver and cardiovascular system than drinking bourbon and eating pizza. But there can be both.

It’s bingo night at school tonight. I will pick my son up from school and we’ll grab a quick dinner, then the bingo thing. His dad will pick him up afterwards, since it’s still his week. It’s weird, feeling like you are visiting your child for an evening. But life is weird, and you just have to try to continue to get through it. Some days that’s easier than others.

I want to start having people over for dinner on Fridays. There needs to be more socializing at home, and I like to cook for people. And I want my son to understand what it’s like to have people over regularly. So this is going to happen.

It’s still weirdly warm for this time of year. I drove to work with the windows halfway down, drinking hot coffee and enjoying the slightly cool but not cold air, watching the purple sunrise appear as I crested the Lorain-Carnegie bridge, the guardians on either side demonstrating the tough Cleveland look you need to have to survive here. Time to get tough.

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