I think I need a vacation

Last week was so busy it was a blur. Plans every night. The conference dinners at school, for the teachers the nights of parent-teacher conferences, took up two nights. A new script reading another night. I was supposed to go out for happy hour another night and was almost grateful when my girlfriend said she had to reschedule, she forgot she had a hair appointment and offered to meet me after but I knew I’d be too beat. I am not a hair dying girl but I understand the need for root touch-ups. I was looking at myself in the mirror tonight and it seems my hair is going more and more gray/white every single day. By the end of the year, I may look like my Baba. I can understand the pull to dye. I don’t want to dye it, but it would be nice if it hadn’t suddenly started sticking up all over like I slept on pillows of rubber balloons, and all this unreal tangling that I’ve never experienced before, it’s daunting. I had such a bad tangle a few days ago I had to cut a section of hair out. I mean, not since I was a little girl and used no product has it been like this. And this is part of getting older. If I had a lot of money and spare time, my hairdresser could probably address it somehow, but I don’t have either of those, so I bought a couple of cheap protein home treatments and am going back to organic shampoo and conditioner to see if it makes a difference. The drugstore cheapy stuff is either ruining my hair, or it’s aging. Or both. We’ll see.

I also went back to filtered coffee. My cholesterol has inched up a few more points since last year and though my doctor isn’t at all concerned and didn’t even whisper anything about drugs, I don’t like the inching, and wonder if my unfiltered coffee habit could be to blame, since from what I’ve read it can do that. So back to filters.

At the dinners last week, one woman was talking about an upcoming trip to Vegas. All the other PTA board moms were asking her about details for her trip, sharing tips of where she should go, what she should do, suggesting she change hotels because of this, that or the other. I went to Vegas once, about a million years ago. I liked it, but as with most trips I’ve taken, it was on someone else’s dime. Either whatever partner I’ve been living with or for work. I’ve really had almost no money ever to travel on my own outside of a few road trips to see my sister in Wisconsin. Then someone else talked about a cruise they had coming up, and someone else about where they were going next year. I joked that I remembered vacation and one woman asked when the last time was I took one. Truly, an actual get away to somewhere that wasn’t to visit someone at the destination, but an actual get-away to another place? 2007. They were aghast. But there are worse things. I’m pretty sure my grandmother never took one vacation in her entire life once she emigrated to America and had 7 babies (5 who lived). My parents never went anywhere without us for vacations, and as a family we only took one vacation a year, a short road trip to the same place in Canada every year. It was affordable and close and there was a beach so it worked pretty well. I do feel bad I can’t take my kid on vacations. But I had my sister as a companion and playmate, and the adults could relax and not do a whole lot and let us entertain ourselves. And me alone with D would just be even more work and not so much like a vacation anyway. Perhaps a nanny, once I win the lottery, could come with us.

My week is less packed now that D is here, though it has been an exhausting weekend. I had to prepare my apartment for new flooring in the entire kitchen and bath, which is happening tomorrow, so had to empty everything out of both rooms and off the floors, which was not fun. Putting it back together will also not be fun, but it will be nice to have decent looking floors until the cheap linoleum they use gets scratched up again. I’m supposed to get a new toilet as well, which I have mixed feelings about. I’m getting a “low flow” toilet and for someone who doesn’t have a large intestine, that doesn’t sound very good, but hey, I don’t pay the water bill; if it needs multiple flushes every time, oh well. And possibly a new disposal. And the bathtub isn’t draining right and the stopper isn’t working right. It’s always something.

But today I wanted it to be a fun day for D. I went to bed early to try to have energy for the day ahead with him. I got up at like 6:30 and lifted weights for an hour so I could get that out of the way and not have to do it later when I knew I’d be too tired to do it. After I picked him up, I took him straight from his Dad’s to the Peanuts movie. He got up too early and was crabby and tired, but we had a decent time. He spilled half the bucket of popcorn as soon as we sat down, and then lost his 3D glasses halfway through because he was fidgeting and couldn’t sit still. I had to get under his chair with my phone flashlight to find them. And some dumb bitch right behind us kept CLAPPING every time something good happened to Charlie Brown in the movie. She was with her kid and another woman and the woman’s kid, from what I could tell. I tried shooting her a dirty look a couple of times but she really was obtuse and didn’t notice or ignored me. At one point, D said, really loudly, “MOM, WHY DOES THAT LADY KEEP CLAPPING?” and it was all I could do not to snort with laughter. I mean, maybe she’s just really into the Peanuts or something, but damn it was annoying.

After the movie, I took him to get some lunch, and then we went to Lakewood park for several hours where we both exhausted each other. We tried to watch a movie after dinner but we were both too tired and ended up just playing with his toys for awhile before bed.

He’s still getting a lot of nosebleeds even though he stopped antibiotics a couple of weeks ago. Not as many, but you wonder how many is too many. I had a ton when I was little and there was really nothing that could be done about it. They aren’t alarming nosebleeds like gushers that won’t quit and no other symptoms, he’s just got the family thin nasal tissue and in the colder months, is prone to them. But every doctor visit has to be so carefully weighed as we have to pay full price for everything until the $2000 deductible is met, and even at this late stage of the year, it still hasn’t been met. His Dad took him to the ER for basically the flu at the end of last winter and it cost so much money we are still paying it off in monthly installments. So yeah, you weigh every decision.

I stupidly paid my fucking car insurance twice. They kept taking the payment with no warning and I couldn’t remember when it was coming out so I called them and said I wanted to go back to paper bills and paying the bill myself. While on the phone they walked me through logging in so I could pay directly on their website if I wanted. And I did that, and then got the paper bill and thought oh well, I must owe them more, and I paid it again. I called them and they won’t give me the money back. That was grocery money for this week, so yeah. I am debating canceling the sitter Tuesday when I usually go do theater because that’s yet more money out of pocket and maybe I should just skip it. Dark Room night seems to always fall on my week of custody so I have to get the sitter. And usually I try to offer to feed her as well so getting them a pizza plus paying for her plus me going out for a drink before or after easily makes it a hundred dollar night and Liberty Mutual has that money so I may just not go. I will decide tomorrow.

A lot of my friends are bitching about money lately, so I know I am not alone in the boat. One just grows very, very tired of the boat, and wants to be on dry land, feeling secure for just a week or so. Maybe on an island somewhere, where I can drink pina coladas and eat tacos sitting in a beach chair all day getting tan. That sure sounds nice.


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