Beat the clock

I had to skip the PTA meeting tonight. Something’s gotta give and that was it. I really had to go to these first few meetings of the year. I knew I’d get roped into doing the conference dinners again and now that those are over (seems like only yesterday but they were two weeks ago), I’m pretty much off the hook for the next couple of meetings. I’ll need to go in Jan and Feb to recruit help for the March dinners. I do like to go, even if not pressed into service. I always learn something I didn’t know about what’s going on at D’s school, which is kind of the point of the thing for me, along with looking like an “involved parent.”

Things are ramping up at my day job. I have to go interview a guy tomorrow about something I know almost nothing about, and try not to look like a complete moron. At least I am a) somewhat charming and b) genuinely interested in what these people do, so that can get me pretty far down the road.

Last night I had the people over who are involved with the staged reading I’m doing this Saturday. It was hard work and I’m out of practice taking direction and notes, but it all comes back to you like riding a bike. A rusty, old bike in my case. I’ve decided in my head that Saturday’s performance will go smashingly, and that there will be at least a dozen or so of my friends there, who will fete me with food and drink once it’s over to praise my talent and bemoan my limited performance availability. Of course, if it doesn’t go that way, the reading is in a wine bar, so that’s handy.

Tomorrow night I am meeting an old theater colleague for coffee, a person with whom I have a strange past. The play we were involved in years ago was in a tumultuous time and was a strange experience for everyone involved. I recall that we got along, sometimes, but sometimes we didn’t. But the meeting is about theater, so ok. That play was a long time ago, and while I am the same, I am also very different.

Thursday is a writers’ event. The tiny bit of money I have left until payday has to go towards the Thanksgiving meal, so I won’t be ordering anything at any of this shit I’m going to.

Sometimes the money pressure really gets to me and I feel panicky and like my head is going to explode. My palms sweat and I feel like a horrible, terrible mother. Then I get over it and realize I’m doing the best I can and I guess I’ll do that until they evict me from my apartment or whatever. So I’m just going to focus on tonight this evening. My hot cup of mint tea, reading over my script again, and will face tomorrow’s challenges tomorrow.

I live in the right now while thinking about the future and while I think about the past, I don’t dwell on it and don’t have regrets. I want to just live my life every day as fully as I can. After all, it may be all we have.



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