Got my own world to live through


69 degrees today in Cleveland. December 12th and I’m sitting here with the sliding patio door wide open, wearing a t-shirt. 69. Year I was born. Year of Woodstock. Year of Easy Rider. Not quite the ’70s but pushing hard into it.

I’m pushing hard into 2016 but man it feels like an uphill battle some days. Those days where you feel like everyone is doing better than you’re doing. Which I know we all have. Things are getting pretty precarious for me financially. I’ve been living on my own now for a year and a half and am pretty much out of money. No emergency fund. No backup. No nothing. I’m sick about it, but am also determined to find a way to make it change.

I’m going to have to take some dramatic steps in 2016. I’m cutting back on acting and going to focus more on writing since that is more realistically a potential source of income. Plus, about half the time, the acting that I do participate in necessitates me hiring a sitter for the evening, so that’s an expense I can easily shave. I’m going to see about picking up some babysitting work from friends as well. I’m also exploring other avenues of making more money. Everything is on the table.

D and I ran a lot of errands today and got a lot done. Took in the recycling, bought our annual Christmas tree ornament (which he dropped and broke in the parking lot outside the store – it’s sitting with super glue on it now, hoping for a Christmas miracle there), and we went out to Crocker Park where I was able to convince Athleta to take back a very, very expensive running bra I bought from them awhile ago that has wire poking out, and they helped me purchase a new one for the price of the return, from their website while in the store since they only had ONE type of really high impact sports bra in their store and it was not for ladies built like me in the chest area (we Greeks are an ample bunch). I also installed a Big Brother type device I signed up for from my car insurance company, which will track my driving over the next 90 days and then I send it back to them and they decide if I am a grandma driver that deserves a lower rate than just a generic, fortysomething female bucket into which all drivers like me are placed. I could save up to 30% if I can grandma it up enough, so that is my goal.

I’m close to finishing another short story that I hope to send around for potential publication, and I applied for a couple of freelance writing positions on a website that hooks up specialists and jobs. Something will land. It has to.

After D’s Dad picks him up in the morning, I’m going for a much-needed run. I need to get into a different headspace. Running makes me aware of how alone I am, but also makes me feel strong about being that way, which is how I need to feel. Strong. Capable. A good mother. Decent at my job. Able to pick up other jobs.

The freakishly warm weather will continue tomorrow, which should make for an interesting run. It’s warm but cloudy…sort of how I feel right now.


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