So at the link here is the new blog design, hope you like it. I’m still figuring out how to use it so bear with me.
I know we shed skin and hair and nails all the time. That we’re essentially continually becoming a completely different person, at least externally. But the shell ages. One eye sags; hell, one boob sags more than the other. The gray hairs are starting to appear. Not much I can do about most of the outside stuff, though I try to take care of what I do have. I’m working on getting into even better shape than last year. I may run more races, or I may take on a different challenge. I already did, by taking the trip. It set the tone for the year and I am not losing that momentum.
Since I’m always changing passively in those ways, I’m working on more actively changing as well. I’m going to take a few online courses this year (I’m already partway through the first). I’m writing and submitting as much stuff as fast as I can. I’m trying to be a different and better Mom for my kid – more patient, more helpful, working harder to find ways to set up the situation so he, too can be his best self. But it’s not enough for me. Not enough. I’m pushing for change. I don’t know what it will bring, but I want it. I need it. And I deserve it.
I can’t stand feeling like so much of life is a struggle, and carving out so very little time for happiness, contentment, enjoyment, friendship, love. I’m tired of worrying about money to the point of sickness, of doing nothing but running errands and bill paying and doctor’s appointments and I want a more active life with more active, happy choices.
I’m trying to cut down or eliminate as much as possible the things that cause me difficulty in my life while focusing much more energy on what I can do to IMPROVE my life. I want it to be better and I am actively working to make it so. I know I can’t count on or depend on anybody but me to do it, and I’m working on it. It has to happen.
I want to smile more and cry less, and that’s really what it’s all about. All the changes I’m making will play into that.
“You road I enter upon and look around, I believe you are not all that is here,
I believe that much unseen is also here.”
– Walt Whitman