I sometimes wonder if I lost my sight or hearing, how I would manage to survive. My tinnitis has been worse of late and the incessant ringing has spoiled peace and silence for me. There is only so much of I can tolerate, until the peace turns frantic and I must put on some type of sound to block out the ringing. I feel robbed of that peace, but you learn to live with it. I listen to a lot more music than I used to, which has its benefits (though I truly think if I never heard “Tiny Dancer” again I’d be fine; damn, but that song is overplayed). But at least I still have my hearing, though I have some good great resources of support if and when it completely goes. I took some sign language in college and though it’s primitive, I could get better and learn more if I needed to. And two of my close friends are ASL instructors or interpreters so that’s handy.
Life without sight would be much tougher. You’re always dependent upon someone else, even if it’s only a sight dog. You likely only really feel secure and comfortable in your home, where you know where everything is. And you don’t get to see the sunrise and sunset anymore, which would be tragic for me. Sometimes on tough days, seeing the beautiful sky is the best part of my day, and I would miss that greatly.
Sometimes when I examine too closely what I feel I don’t have or haven’t accomplished, I know I need to take a harder look at what I do have. I have great friends, who have come to my aid more than once when I needed them. I have close friends with whom I can share intimate secrets, hopes, fears, laughter, dark thoughts, pie-in-the-sky wishes. Friends with whom I can share a drink, a hug and kiss, a wonderful meal, and enjoy each other’s company. (Doing more of that this year, I might add, as one of my resolutions, and I’m happy about that decision). I’ll never be a multi-millionaire but I am rich in many other ways.
I’m doing better with the balance so far in 2016, though I know we’re only a couple of weeks in. With keeping shit in perspective. Been working out, the weight is coming off, and am not starving myself to do it, just reaching more for the sweet spot and not too much excess on indulgence. And I’m keeping my momentum going, keeping my life going, keeping my writing flowing. I want this year to be FILLED; active and amazing. Whether the amazing is a gorgeous sunset, a kiss that reaches all the way down to my toes, an exhilarating run or laughing so hard I almost pee my pants, I’m looking forward to what’s ahead this year.
It feels different already. And I like that.