The passing of days

pinksunset

Seventy degrees yesterday. 39 this morning. That’s pretty much how the roller coaster of my life has been going lately – up one day, down the next, and hang on because the ride is really bumpy. Thank God I’m wearing my seat belt.

I’ve finally had a surprisingly good week at work. It’s amazing how much this can affect the rest of your life. But it’s helped me feel like I have a handle on so many other things, and that I’m handling, dealing, “adulting,” etc. I finally got my own checks with just my name on them. I’m cheap and had been determined to use up my old checks even though they still had the ex’s name on them, but I have to write more checks than I’d like, mostly for school-related expenses, and every check I wrote bothered me, as it does not represent me. It felt more and more wrong even though it really doesn’t matter to anyone but me. So I bought new ones. They arrived yesterday. They are multicolored and have peace signs on them, and my name alone, which my checks have not had for 14 years.

I’ve made a lot of changes and done a lot of cleaning recently in my personal life and at home, and those changes continue to cause me to shift and evolve and re-examine my life, my progress, my goals. Sometimes it’s just the things right in front of me – the list of tasks, cleaning, the to-do list. Lately it’s larger and bigger – ways to help my son with bigger goals (finally found a youth running series for kids his age, and signed him up), calendared two races for myself.

I’ve been writing a little more as well, and that feels good. I’ve neglected the blog for other writing projects, but I need to do both regularly for my sanity and well being.

I wanted to see more movies this year, at home and out in theaters, and so far I’m doing pretty well with that. I wanted to go out more, be with friends more, and I’m doing well with that, too. I accepted a spur of the moment invitation to brunch last weekend that was positive and joyful and I really needed it.

My calendar and social life are changing so quickly I don’t know if my head and heart can keep up with the changes. I am trying to relax and learn to live with the changes, as the destination will be worth it.

I have a huge feeling of being just on the edge of so much more change. I think some of that is spring – we’re so close, and each warm day is a tease for more consistent warmer days to follow. But the warm, teasing kiss and then smack in the ass of the cold the next day, man, it’s tiring. I can’t seem to get to bed early enough these days.

I’m starting to think about trips. I want to travel more this year, and am figuring out how to make that happen. My son really wants me to take him to see an ocean.

I have a party/singing gig to prepare for, and that prep starts now even though the party isn’t until next month. A heavy-hitting annual gathering of some close friends from college, which always seems to end up with me (and others) singing, and I want to be prepared this time. There is also dancing, and sometimes live music. I have much to say with those songs to my old friends; we communicate with each other as much with music as we do with the long evening’s conversations over drinks and cold pizza.

I need and want to sell a writing piece. This will justify me buying new running shoes, which I need. I just bought some, wore them for two long runs outdoors and realize they are perfect for me, but a half size too small. This is a bad conundrum. Some writing money will help me not feel bad about solving it with a new, bigger pair. Perhaps less movies and more writing (and pitching).

Living fully these days. It’s important. Garry Shandling unexpectedly died of a heart attack yesterday. It could be anyone’s day anytime, and I just don’t want to live with regret for chances not taken, journeys not explored fully. Sometimes you have to get out of your own way and let life happen the way it seems to want to happen.

Brand new from Bonnie Raitt. She just gets better—speaks to me more—with every album.

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