I wanna hope so

tree in bloom

Spring is here. Hope is everywhere. My mind is bursting with ideas, my body wants to move more every day, my heart can’t keep up with all the changes. I’m holding on for dear life as we are vaulted into sunshine and trees with blooms exploding and energy, everything shifting. Hard to keep your balance sometimes.

I’m to the point where I just want to stay home and write most of the day and wish I didn’t have to go to work and write for other people. I have so much to do and so many ideas, but then I also want to get OUT. Outside, away, traveling, moving.

I knew 2016 would be a year of change, I just didn’t know it would be almost constant. I’m hanging on and hanging in, though. I’d rather keep moving than be stagnant. At least it’s interesting.

Busy weekend coming up. The kid starts next set of swim lessons. One day he will actually learn how to swim. I told him I’d take him to the Jungle Book so there’s that. We have to shop for a gift for a birthday party that’s next weekend. And Sunday he starts a kids’ race series so I’m going to that as well.

I have my mind on my own races as well. Trying to sneak in some 5Ks is becoming increasingly tough. If they are on a Saturday morning and I don’t have the kid, I can do it. A lot of races seem to be on a Sunday morning, which is impossible as that’s exchange day. I signed up for a half-half (6.5 miles) which will officially be my longest road race. The Turkey Trot is 5 and I’ve done that for two years now. I’m trying to work up to doing an actual half but none of the halfs I can find scheduled for this year are dates I can make it because of the kid. That’s ok. I’m not actually sure I can run that far. I’m also saving the date for some repeat 5Ks I like to do every year, so there will be a few, not too many. I’m still working on beating back the plantar fasciitis in my R foot, and now have managed to get tendonitis in my L arm from strength training. Getting old is fun.

Friendships and relationships take work to maintain. Some friendships are easy. People who live close by, who are just like you. Some are more work and are more complex, but they give you a richness that fills in the gaps in your life so you’re not just singing one note. People who disagree with you, who show you the other side of the coin push your boundaries and make you think. People who disappoint you can apologize and work to do better if they can stay in your life, and sometimes you have to get out of your own way and let them do that work. Friends who couldn’t be there when you needed them can surprise you when they ARE there and what they can bring. Friends who love you no matter what and can bend and change as you continue to bend and change are ones you should work hard to keep in your life. In short, love worth having in your life takes work, and also requires a certain degree of vulnerability. I’m working on it. It’s scary, but life in a vacuum completely under my control is numb and boring, and not what I want.

Spring is out there, waiting. My ideas are bursting. My heart is full. I have the energy to go grab it all, if I can just make space for it to happen.

 

 

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