Ah, it was sunny and beautiful Tuesday and I went out for a run downtown. Slightly chilly, perfect for running. Finally tackled the Lorain-Carnegie bridge, which is a long, slow uphill climb both ways. When I made it to the top on the way there, a fellow runner gave me a thumbs up – the tribe knows when an achievement has happened. The return journey was not only just uphill, but into the wind, and the wind was strong, blowing into my eyes and creating tears. I paused at the top of the bridge on my way back and let other tears come. Then I continued on.
The sky cries today, gray and sad and tired and dirty, like my soul feels. It’s been a very long and tough week, each day crawling by and each night like pushing a plane to get through each hour. The boy has been difficult, I have been short-tempered. It hasn’t been my best week of parenting, but he’s fed and safe and homework is done and sometimes that’s all I can manage.
Tonight, my son and I will eat pizza and watch stupid TV – cartoons or animal videos, and then he’ll go to sleep and I’ll get back on the computer as there is ever more work to do, and money to be made, and hopefully publishing in the near future. Been too long. I have a piece that’s burning for me to write it, I just need to find that precious combination of an available window of time and energy. And then get it out there.
People move and flow in and out of your life like the wind and sun and rain pass by every day in Cleveland. You never know what you’re going to get when you wake up. And, as they say, if you don’t like the weather, wait and hour and it will change. Or as they said where I grew up, if you don’t like the weather when you look out the front door, go look out the back door, because that’s how quick change can happen. You can’t really be ready, you just have to come to expect it.
Next week will mark the one-year date since I went to court and got divorced. The year that followed has been so full, busy, and ever-changing that I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster. Man those highs are so fucking high, but damn, those lows are low.
I’m trying not to let things drag me down that have no right, to chase away memories that pain me. There is so much left to do this year.
Forward, through, onward and upward. Even if it’s just one step at a time.