Yesterday was just a complete fail.
Despite a great deal of good faith effort, I missed a deadline on a work assignment. It’s not really my “fault” as it involves other people who didn’t get things to me in time, but it’s still my responsibility to hit the deadline, and I didn’t.
My kid is still under the weather, now with those annoying symptoms that hang on forever – stuffy, runny nose, hacking cough, and, combined with the big change of starting school again and new grade, new teacher, new places to go in the school building, he’s been really, really terrible when I pick him up at night. Mean and shitty. It’s embarrassing.
I was so angry and upset with everything by the time we got home I couldn’t eat dinner, just poured an enormous glass of wine and fixed the kid his meal. We argued about EVERYTHING and we were both nasty to each other and he cried and told me he wished he was at his Dad’s, which made me angrier. We tried to call Dad but he didn’t answer and then he was even more upset and it was just a complete cock-up of a giant fucking mess of an evening. I made sure he got to bed on time and read a little Diary of a Wimpy Kid to him but I felt like such crap afterwards I went outside and had a big, loud cry.
Then I spent two hours on the phone arguing with someone else, and drinking too much wine and gahhhh the whole day, I’m so glad it’s over and that today is another day.
I started out today by waking the kid up and telling him, hey at least it’s Friday. Whoops. I should know it’s Thursday as the full moon has arrived, and is probably informing some of yesterday’s shitbag horror fest in some indirect way.
I’m determined to do better today, and tonight. I’m making nachos, one of his favorites, and we will work out together after dinner. I turned in a work project ahead of time and am working like mad to get two others done that are due in rapid fashion. After the kid is in bed, I will meditate a bit, and try to see the moon. I have a lot to think about.
It’s hot mess day for me. I threw on an outfit that reflected that mood and I look like someone doing the walk of shame on the way home from a party in the 80s. Big, spangly earrings, big, messy hair, sparkly t-shirt, black skirt and black boots. It’s ok. Nobody really sees me all day long except a couple of co-workers and the people at the school’s aftercare.
And then tomorrow, it really will be Friday.