I’m Happy When Life’s Good and When It’s Bad I Cry

A guy mansplained to me so hard today my hands were shaking. I sometimes like to think that because I’m tough and sometimes mean-looking, that I won’t be the victim of mansplaining, but it keeps happening. A couple of weeks ago, it was the sales guy at the Audi dealership who LIED when he said they don’t do test drives, because he thought I didn’t look like I have enough money to buy an Audi, I’m guessing. Today it was after arguing about the price of yet another car repair, when presented with the bill for my repair estimate.

When the guy gave me my estimate this morning, he printed it out and brought it to the counter. It’s two pages, each a triplicate carbon paper. On page one, he circled the price and said that’s how much the estimate costs ($52) then flipped to the second page, made three quick X’s  – initial here, initial there, then sign. So when I came to pick it up and it was $61, I was mad. In the print to the left of my signature, which wasn’t anything the guy had indicated, it did indeed say $61. So why circle the $52? My Dad would have told you this is called bait and switch and I didn’t like it one bit. So the manager came out and I tried to explain that it’s deceptive to circle and say one price to the customer, get them to sign when they’re actually paying more than that, then surprise them with the real price at checkout.He tried to claim HE circled the price when he called me and I pointed out how it was done above the carbon copy we were looking at. I mean, LYING TO MY FACE. I said, I’m just done bringing my car here, I’ve been a customer here for close to 15 years and you don’t seem to give a shit about my business and he said that’s fine, and he left. I give the guy ringing my up my AAA card, as you get 10% off, and my credit card, and he mumbles something about how the AAA is already in there. He runs the card, gives me the slip to sign and I’m like, let me see the detailed printout. He gives it to me, THERE IS NO 10% OFF. I’m like COME THE FUCK ON. THIS IS JUST GETTING INSULTING. He had to get the manager to come back so he could void the transaction and then re-run it with the 10% off. I was so angry I was ready to put my foot through the door when I left. This is after crying at my desk when they called me to tell me how much the repair would cost, and I told them no, I decline, and I’ll just come get it. Like a terminal patient.

I took the car some place else for a second opinion and they confirmed that yes, this is yet another ridiculously expensive repair and my car is a fucking piece of shit and confirmed for me again how I’m sorry I ever bought it. This whole last year was supposed to be me “enjoying” having it paid off, and I spent $2400 in repairs, and now they want another $400 because the fucking headlight assembly has a short in it. I’m just about done. Really. I want to drive it into the lake and be done with it.

I researched prices of buying a new car tonight, and unless there’s a market for middle-aged MILF strippers with a lot of stretch marks and surgical scars, a new car isn’t in the cards either.

Instead, I had some whiskey and a sandwich, prepped my lunches for the rest of the week and cleaned up the kitchen. Then I decided to meditate. I’d like to do some yoga tonight but I’ve managed to torque my shoulder with too much yoga last week, so I have to take a few days off from it. I am really too sore to even walk, after my 2-hour workout yesterday, which included a four-mile run and hitting all the leg machines pretty hard, along with 100 squats and 100 reverse lunges. So, meditation. During which, my mind immediately focused instead of just wandering. I began, for whatever reason, composing a long letter in my head that would be read at my funeral. I was thanking different people in my life for different little “gifts” they’ve given me. Not material gifts, but things they imparted or communicated or gave me the power to see or feel or understand. I imagined all those people from very different walks of life and vastly different periods in my past all being together to hear these things being read and smiling and crying at the same time. I don’t know why I thought these things. I have no intention of hastening my demise, but I wondered when I came out of it if this is something I should actually start and do. I got up and out of the moment, and put the radio on to clear my head.

“Tomorrow Never Knows” by the Beatles came on, right at the beginning of the song. It caught me by surprise and I just stood and listened for a few minutes. It’s one of my favorite Beatles songs, since it’s so different than any of their other work.

Turn off your mind, relax and float down stream
It is not dying, it is not dying

Lay down all thoughts, surrender to the void
It is shining, it is shining

Yet you may see the meaning of within
It is being, it is being

Love is all and love is everyone
It is knowing, it is knowing…

… that ignorance and hates may mourn the dead
It is believing, it is believing

But listen to the colour of your dreams
It is not living, it is not living

So play the game “Existence” to the end…
… Of the beginning, of the beginning

I don’t know what’s ending and what’s beginning. But it was followed up by The Who’s, “The Seeker,” so I will take that and move on forward.



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